For Liana...

Bug Girl is getting married this weekend. In honor of her, I decided to give Tom Petty a second chance. When I was a kid, I remember watching the video for “Mary Jane’s Last Dance.” It won a bunch of awards I think, but I thought it was weird. All the corpses, the close-ups of Tom (not pretty), the morgue, the mortician, the corpse in the wedding dress that Tom eats dinner with and then dances with. It weirded me out. Plus, I was just old enough to know that Mary Jane was a euphemism for marijuana and I couldn’t for the life of me understand what marijuana had to do with death.

There were other videos: In “Free Fallin’,” images from the fifties were interspersed with modern shots of skateboarders and cute young girls, coming to age in Lose Angeles. I think I was too young to really understand what the song and video were all about, but I remember being sketched out by creepy-looking Tom, big shades and all, looking like a pedophile overseeing the cute young girls. “Runnin’ Down A Dream,” was animated, awesome, and profoundly confusing. Why did he ride a bed like a horse and fly away in the end? Did he catch that dream? What the hell was the deal with Animated Tom and that midget King guy smoking a cigar, dancing on top of the earth? I was probably about ten, but I sensed there was something off about this man.

My feelings were cemented in sixth grade when I drove with the Hutchison family, listening to a Tom Petty best of album. Raymond’s older brother, Camden, commented that Tom Petty was nothing but “a Bob Dylan knock-off.” Camden was two years my senior and very smart. He seemed to know a lot about a lot of things. I trusted he was right and for the next ten or so years, I repeated that slogan. At some point time, I stopped just regurgitating his musical rhetoric and actually believed what I was saying.

Tom had that same kind of nasal Bob Dylan voice, played the guitar and harmonica, and seemed to sound vaguely similar, but vastly inferior to the best singer SONGWRITER in the history of rock. His songs weren’t as well written, his music less interesting, his creepiness far more annoying than Bob’s irritability. I convinced myself that Tom was just a lousy clone of Bob, and cast Tom out without a second thought.

Bug Girl loves him. Swears by him. And she’s got some pretty great taste in music, so I started listening to Tom again with a few thoughts in mind. The first idea was that any singer/songwriter put up in a head to head battle against Bob Dylan is going to lose. Bob Dylan is the best. Period. I refuse to argue about this. It’s a fact. The second idea, one that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, is that disliking a band because I think it’s cool to dislike them (see my thoughts on the Dave Matthews Band in my last entry) is decidedly un-cool.

So for the past few months, I’ve been listening to Tom Petty when his songs come on the radio. I re-watched some of his old videos on youtube. I spent some considerable time thinking about his music. And you know what? After careful consideration… he still sucks!

No, I’m just kidding Liana. You were (mostly) right, Tom Petty is a damn fine singer/songwriter. A number of his songs are well-written, interesting, unique, and aesthetically pleasing. Christine pointed out that he was in the Traveling Wilburys with Bob Dylan and George Harrison, so amongst his peers, he’s pretty highly regarded too. I don’t have any real insights into his music; it’s just good stuff and that’s good enough for me.

I guess if I could take anything away from this experience, it’s that sometimes you have to give music a second chance. I have a mandatory three-listen rule when I get a new album. I don’t think it’s fair to make up your mind about something until you’ve really given it a few listens. And if you spend more time listening to what others think about a band than you do actually listening to the band’s music, you haven’t really given the band a fair chance. Also, despite being a good musician, and I refuse to argue about this, Tom Petty is the ugliest rock star I’ve ever seen.

Commercial Music

Many, many, many moons ago, The Black Eyed Peas rapped, “I see you try to diss our function by stating that we can’t rap. Is it cause we don’t wear Tommy Hilfiger or baseball caps. We don’t use dollars to represent. We just use our inner sense and talent.” Forget for a moment, that these are some of the worst rhyming, most awful rap lyrics ever created, in a song (“Falling Up”) dedicated entirely to how well they can rap. Rappers who write shitty lyrics are like writers who wear ugly clothes: it’s to be expected. The Black Eyed Peas, like many hip-hop groups, are full of awful lyrics, but that’s not what bugs me about them. It’s the way they denounced selling out on their first two albums (Bridging The Gaps and Behind The Front), constantly calling out other groups for being “fake,” shortly before they did a mass-market Dr. Pepper commercial campaign. Soon after, Fergie became a prominent member of the band, and they were off and running, doing every commercial you can possibly imagine.

It was sad seeing one of my early favorite hip-hop groups (pre-Fergie) sell out like that. The Black Eyed Peas were at the forefront of turning hip-hop into commercial music (For the purpose of this entry, commercial music refers to music actually appearing in commercials). The commercialization of hip-hop, something that had flourished outside of MTV and network television prior to the ‘Peas and a few others, was a disturbing trend.

Perhaps my own arrogance and desire to be “hip” wouldn’t allow me to listen to music that had been embraced by the masses. People are stupid. That’s not a gross generalization; I’m fairly certain that if you picked ten people at random between the ages of 12 and 55, from across the United States, a majority of them would watch American Idol. I repeat: People are stupid. And my disgust for mainstream stupid people often leads me to hold stupid opinions of my own, just so I can be different than the masses. It was the mainstream, frat boy success, of talented groups like The Dave Matthews Band, which led me away from rock and towards hip-hop in the first place. Now that hip-hop was mainstream, I found myself running blindly towards a genre which prided itself on having a plethora of bands that most people would never hear: indie rock.

I began to explore indie music, sifting through tons of shit, searching for those elusive incredible bands. Generally when I found them and bragged to my friends, they were already myspace friends with them. For the first time in years, I felt like I was behind the curve on what was hip. In many ways, this only resulted in getting me more interested in the genre. I wanted to be the one cluing my friends into which bands they should be checking out. Unfortunately, advertisers have made sure that will never happen.

A few weeks ago, I begged people on this blog to check out a French group called Nouvelle Vague. I thought I’d discovered a talented, obscure band that I could finally share with my friends. A few days later, I heard their cover of “I Melt With You” on a GMC commercial. Suddenly, I was hyper-aware of all the indie rock suddenly appearing in mainstream television commercials. Bands like The Postal Service, The Shins, Modest Mouse, and Peter Bjorn and John (who will henceforth be known as PB&J per my friend Lauren), were appearing in commercials for UPS, McDonalds, Nissan, Pontiac, AT&T, and (ironically?) Napster.

At first, I thought my disgust was purely selfish. The fact that savvy advertisers were smart enough to hire young people with good taste in music to pick the songs for their commercials, would surely be good for indie rock. The added exposure to cutting edge bands and artists, might inform consumers, schooling them on things they should be checking out. That was certainly the case with those catchy Target ads that feature the chorus, “a little bit more… a little bit more… a little bit more… a little bit more…” After some research, I discovered the song was written by Jamie Lidell; I checked out some of his stuff and it was quite good. The fact that I was getting musical advice from a Target ad wounded my pride, but I tried to set aside my ego and focus on the music.

Then the ads kept running and I heard the music over and over and over again. I mean, that’s the point of an advertisement right? Product branding. If you see a product over and over and over again, and it becomes imbedded in your brain, then you’re more likely to spend your money on it. Using catchy music to sell a product is nothing new; jingles have been around… forever? A while anyway. Catchy indie rocks songs are even better though. Jingles are commercials… you don’t hear them unless you’re watching tv or listening to the radio. Indie songs are everywhere, and if the advertisers do their jobs correctly, every time you hear the 5,6,7,8’s “Woo Hoo” you’ll think of Vonage. That’s the power of branding.

So now, my grievance is far from not being on the cutting edge, has nothing to do with the guile of advertisers trying to educate me on what I should listen to, but rather, commercial music is destroying a genre that I’ve grown to love yet again. Commercial branding is so much worse than the Dave Matthews Band frat boy craze phenomenon… a catchy song/band getting overplayed and becoming irritating from that over-saturation. It’s just a matter of time before I see Tide commercials using The Cold War Kids’ (big ups Preeti) “Hang Me Out To Dry” in one of their commercials. And in doing so, Tide, like every other company that uses an indie rock song to promote it’s product, will help ruin a genre of music which prided itself on being anything but commercial.

Bad Lyrics

Christine and I saw the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie at the cheap theatre this past weekend. It was unequivocally the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Often times, a bad movie will have some redeeming qualities; perhaps the sheer awfulness of the movie is enjoyable in of itself. This movie had no redeeming qualities of any kind. There were no pros, no laughs, nothing clever, nothing enjoyable, only pain.

The movie attempted to poke some fun at Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight.” I emphasize attempt, because even the most astute viewers who understood a shot was being taken at an awful song, with awful canned drums, and awful monotonous lyrics, probably were so fucking annoyed with the movie, the god damn icing on the cake, came in the form of hearing that awful song. How many fucking times can you repeat the same lyrics over and over and over again? Apparently, if you’re Phil Collins, you can do it over and over again and still have an international hit.

The song got me thinking about the worst lyrics of all-time. The writers, perhaps reading my mind, had a discussion about it yesterday. Prior to their discussion, I planned to use this space for a lengthy debate. Fortunately, one of the writers, Gene, ended the debate almost immediately.

After Mike mentioned the Digital Underground lyrics from “The Humpty Dance,” (“I get stupid, shoot an arrow like cupid, I use a word that don’t mean nothing, like looptid…”) Gene had this brilliant insight (and I’m paraphrasing):

With regards to the Young MC song “Bust A Move,” a certain verse makes absolutely no sense when you think about it. “Your best friend Harry, has a brother Larry, in five days from now he’s gonna marry. He’s hopin’ you can make it there, if you can, cuz in the ceremony you’re the best man.”

If Harry is your best friend, then why is his brother Larry using you as the best man in his wedding? If Larry has a brother Harry, why isn’t he using his brother Harry as his best man? You have to construct a pretty crazy story for why Larry would possibly use you as the best man. Apparently, even though you consider Harry to be your best friend, Larry considers you to be his (?) so much so that he’s going to buck the tradition of using his brother, Harry, as his best man. And while this scenario is possible, I’m going to venture out a limb here and suggest that Young MC is an idiot, but hey, so am I… after all, I went to go see Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres with out being stoned out of my gourd.

If you can think of lyrics worse than Young MC’s I implore you to post them in the comments. Here’s your chance to talk some shit, have your voice heard, strike back at every one who hurt you.