Allow me to recount a few memories from the oh-so-awkward days of puberty. Most of them, I’ve repressed. Like many people, middle school was the worst part of my life. And I had it pretty good. I was relatively popular, played sports, had a couple of girlfriends, even touched a boob. Despite all those accomplishments, I was constantly worried about being cool and accepted. In an effort to fit in, I sacrificed what little integrity and values I had, and shit on anyone the kids I desperately wanted to be accepted by, felt like being mean to that week. It was kill or be killed and I was such an incredibly good follower, I was only subconsciously aware of what I was doing.
So much of who I was and what I did makes me ashamed. When I watch movies like “Mean Girls” or “Thirteen” I can’t help but think I contributed to kids behaving like that. I try to never reminisce about that time, because quite frankly there’s very little to be nostalgic about. I was a mean, shallow, spineless person, and I’ll always feel guilty about the way I treated my peers.
Despite all that, I want to travel down those old halls for a bit. If I try really hard, bits and pieces come back to me. Mrs. Devour’s deodorant checks, wall ball and butts up outside the school, passing elaborately folded notes in between classes, Airwalks, being punched in the back of my head by Alex Doughty, trapper keepers, my girl-like long hair, smoking cigarettes in the back of Fast Break, spending six months learning how to inhale, aggressive rollerblading, wearing my only long sleeve tee-shirt every day underneath a Grateful Dead tie dye two sizes two big, and of course the music.
I remember sitting on the floor of Dan Freshman’s bedroom, playing Magic: The Gathering (which, let me assure you, was cool at my middle school… seriously, I know that might be hard to believe, but it was), listening to Pearl Jam, Phish, Sound Garden, Stone Temple Pilots, Bush, and of course, Nirvana. And I remember the day Dan got Nirvana “Unplugged” and we sat anxiously listening to it. I remember being disappointed on that first listen. I didn’t know the songs, couldn’t head bang to them, wasn’t sure why they didn’t play, “Smells Like Teen Spirit” or “Heart Shaped Box.” But in one of my prouder memories, I refused to give up on the band I loved so much. We played it again and again, and after countless games of Magic and numerous listens, we came to appreciate and love the album. And for a year or so, I can’t remember liking any album as much as I liked Nirvana “Unplugged.” I don’t know if I knew why I loved the album, but it’s as pleasant a middle school memory as I have.
In high school I got into Phish and other jam bands and left poor Nirvana “Unplugged” to collect dust in my steadily growing CD collection. It did just that, until my freshman year of college. I went up to Quebec to protest the Summit of the Americas. On my drive back, someone in my affinity group, popped in the CD. There were four of us, a white upper middle class hippie female ultimate frisbee player, a black lower middle class lesbian rugby player, and white middle class male Marxist grad student, and myself. Our ages, backgrounds, and foregrounds were all different, but when that album came on, we all had something in common. Everyone of us could sing along to every song on the album.
From that point on the CD was always in constant rotation in my CD player. I hadn’t listened to it in a few months, until this morning, when I blasted it on my car stereo as I drove in to work. I can still sing along to all the songs and was more than happy to do so. Listening and singing along, it became clear to me for the first time, just why I love this album so much as an awkward adolescent. There was something about Kurt Cobain’s voice that tapped into teen angst better than anything I’ve ever heard.
As I sang this morning, I was overcome with that same angst. A bit of nervousness, sadness, self-loathing, fear, cockiness, naivety, and anger seems to be imbedded in various combinations in each of the songs. I was transported back to those awful days of middle school, terrified at first, but then comforted by the songs that had brought me there. In a time when I was so desperate to have cool friends, and my cool friends were so desperate to remain cool, one of the few things I could count on was Nirvana. All the anger and frustration and fear I was feeling, could be unloaded as I sang along to good old Nirvana “Unplugged.”
If this album was a part of your life at some point and you’ve lost touch, I urge you to pull it out and listen to it. It remains one of my all-time favorite albums. And I could go on and on about each individual track, but that’s not what this is about. Listening to the album was about understanding who I was at a time in my life, when I had no idea what I was doing or why. It’s about coming to terms with the fact that I can’t change the awful way I treated people; I can only vow to never behave like that again. It’s about taking stock of my life and appreciating just how good it is these days. And most of all, it’s about learning to appreciate and enjoy the worst of times and in doing so, coming to terms with my past.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
Music and Memories
I have this annoying, savant-like talent to take anything that anyone says and connect it to music. Like last night, Christine and I were having dinner and I asked her how was she able to tell which was the saltshaker and which was the pepper. She pointed to the holes in the shape of a “P” on the peppershaker and I immediately broke into a rousing rendition of, “You down with OPP? Yeah you know me!” (Needless to say, Christine picked a winner and my ability to go from “P” to “OPP” is the stuff legends are made of.)
I’ve been trying to figure out why this always happens to me. Aside from the obvious suggestion that I’m a tool, why do I immediately seize on a tiny, innocuous part of someone’s phrasing and immediately break into song? After much deliberation, I’m willing to reject both science and a certain Old Spice commercial’s belief that scent is the strongest tie to memory. For me, it’s definitely sound.
As a high school student (and probably my first year or two of college), I was able to relate everything anyone said to various Simpson’s quotes. Those were the days when I used to watch a minimum of two Simpson’s repeats a night. Now that I’m a working-man, I don’t have time to watch my beloved Homer and company, instead, I commute nearly an hour to and from work everyday and my car’s stereo is my closest companion. Music has become my teacher, mother, secret lover.
In addition to being able to relate nearly anything to a song, I rarely hear a song that doesn’t evoke some memory. Obviously some are stronger than others. “Tears In Heaven” is a vivid memory of the first time I ever slow danced with a girl (FYI: she was hot). Any song on the Widespread Panic album “Space Wrangler” instantly makes me nauseous; it was the album I listened to as I tried to fall asleep after throwing my first house party (think Beastie Boys’ “Fight For Your Right” video). Medeski, Martin, and Woods’ “Sugarcraft” always reminds me of the insanity of my buddy Paul and his drug-induced, wonderful antics the morning after our prom party at Vein’s camp. Neil Young’s “Sugar Mountain” makes me tear-up every time I hear it, as I longingly recall past days of Jew Camp glory.
The list could go on and on. Nearly any song has some story or brings about some feeling or memory. I’ve often thought about imitating “High Fidelity” and trying to organize my music collection biographically, but I’m lazy and it requires too much time. There’s also the thought of making a mix of the stuff you’re into every month or two and in doing so, creating a musical journal (so to speak). Again, this is a little too ambitious for me. Instead, I thought this would be the first of several nostalgic music posts. There’s nothing better than re-discovering music you loved ten years ago. It brings about all these crazy memories and emotions, and sometimes you have all these wonderful insights into the stuff you used to love but had no idea why. My CD binder is my photo album and I’m looking forward to a trip down memory lane.
I’ve been trying to figure out why this always happens to me. Aside from the obvious suggestion that I’m a tool, why do I immediately seize on a tiny, innocuous part of someone’s phrasing and immediately break into song? After much deliberation, I’m willing to reject both science and a certain Old Spice commercial’s belief that scent is the strongest tie to memory. For me, it’s definitely sound.
As a high school student (and probably my first year or two of college), I was able to relate everything anyone said to various Simpson’s quotes. Those were the days when I used to watch a minimum of two Simpson’s repeats a night. Now that I’m a working-man, I don’t have time to watch my beloved Homer and company, instead, I commute nearly an hour to and from work everyday and my car’s stereo is my closest companion. Music has become my teacher, mother, secret lover.
In addition to being able to relate nearly anything to a song, I rarely hear a song that doesn’t evoke some memory. Obviously some are stronger than others. “Tears In Heaven” is a vivid memory of the first time I ever slow danced with a girl (FYI: she was hot). Any song on the Widespread Panic album “Space Wrangler” instantly makes me nauseous; it was the album I listened to as I tried to fall asleep after throwing my first house party (think Beastie Boys’ “Fight For Your Right” video). Medeski, Martin, and Woods’ “Sugarcraft” always reminds me of the insanity of my buddy Paul and his drug-induced, wonderful antics the morning after our prom party at Vein’s camp. Neil Young’s “Sugar Mountain” makes me tear-up every time I hear it, as I longingly recall past days of Jew Camp glory.
The list could go on and on. Nearly any song has some story or brings about some feeling or memory. I’ve often thought about imitating “High Fidelity” and trying to organize my music collection biographically, but I’m lazy and it requires too much time. There’s also the thought of making a mix of the stuff you’re into every month or two and in doing so, creating a musical journal (so to speak). Again, this is a little too ambitious for me. Instead, I thought this would be the first of several nostalgic music posts. There’s nothing better than re-discovering music you loved ten years ago. It brings about all these crazy memories and emotions, and sometimes you have all these wonderful insights into the stuff you used to love but had no idea why. My CD binder is my photo album and I’m looking forward to a trip down memory lane.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
My Favorite Album to Come Out in the Past Year...
I don’t listen to quite enough music to declare TV On the Radio’s “Return To Cookie Mountain” the best album to come out last year, but it’s certainly my favorite. I can’t vouch for a TV On the Radio live show, but the band seems to embody what I love most about music: the proper coupling of talent and innovation. “Return To Cookie Mountain” is not only a joy to listen to, but like nothing I’ve ever heard before.
The album’s opening track, “If I Was a Lover,” sets the tone for the album. Insane, manic instrumental beats punctuate lyrics without a true chorus, horns blare, electronica blasts, and once they’ve grabbed your attention, the song opens into a piano-led, sweet, softer section. The beautiful voices of the lead singers, Tunde Adebimpe and the throatier Kyp Malone, blend together perfectly and diverge just as gracefully. I was three minutes into this song the first time I listened to this album and I knew what would follow was going to be special.
“Hours” picks up the tempo a little bit. With a heavy snare hook and a truly unique two-part harmony, the song distinguishes itself in a variety of pleasing ways, but somehow stays in touch with the entire feel of the album.
“Province” is softer, introducing the “ooo ooo ooo ooo’s” that characterize much of the album. Like nearly every track on the album, it’s so beautifully layered. Drums, keyboards, horns, vocals, guitar, bass, electronic loops, and noises I don’t understand and can’t begin to describe, blend together in a beautiful, complicated little package. The whole being so much greater than the sum of its parts.
“Playhouses” is dueling vocals layered over a steady snare and cymbal beat with a grinder-like synthesizer noise being sucked through a vacuum in the background. Slight fluctuations in the surrounding instrumentation subtly raise and lower the tension of the song in very pleasing ways.
“Wolf Like Me” is the closest thing this album has to a real single. You may have heard it on MTV, often times played in between shite reality shows. It’s snare/bass beat is foot stomping catchy goodness. The song builds in pace, only to reach a slower, haunting oasis in the center, where it once again abruptly picks up the pace. The seamless transitions between sections of the song(s) continue to astound me listen after listen.
I could go on and on and write a snippet about each track, but instead, I intend I hope to entice you to go out and get this album, and I’m afraid a seemingly endless stream of praise will bore the reader. So I’ll close quickly… it’s late and I don’t have too much energy to write anyway. This album is simply a joy to listen. And it gets better and better with each listen as I untangle layer after layer of sound. It can be enjoyed on so many levels, from the casual listen to the meticulous ears of a phony music snob like myself. Get it. Listen to it. If you don’t agree, give me shit, but I’ll be shocked if you don’t enjoy it.
Listen Here
The album’s opening track, “If I Was a Lover,” sets the tone for the album. Insane, manic instrumental beats punctuate lyrics without a true chorus, horns blare, electronica blasts, and once they’ve grabbed your attention, the song opens into a piano-led, sweet, softer section. The beautiful voices of the lead singers, Tunde Adebimpe and the throatier Kyp Malone, blend together perfectly and diverge just as gracefully. I was three minutes into this song the first time I listened to this album and I knew what would follow was going to be special.
“Hours” picks up the tempo a little bit. With a heavy snare hook and a truly unique two-part harmony, the song distinguishes itself in a variety of pleasing ways, but somehow stays in touch with the entire feel of the album.
“Province” is softer, introducing the “ooo ooo ooo ooo’s” that characterize much of the album. Like nearly every track on the album, it’s so beautifully layered. Drums, keyboards, horns, vocals, guitar, bass, electronic loops, and noises I don’t understand and can’t begin to describe, blend together in a beautiful, complicated little package. The whole being so much greater than the sum of its parts.
“Playhouses” is dueling vocals layered over a steady snare and cymbal beat with a grinder-like synthesizer noise being sucked through a vacuum in the background. Slight fluctuations in the surrounding instrumentation subtly raise and lower the tension of the song in very pleasing ways.
“Wolf Like Me” is the closest thing this album has to a real single. You may have heard it on MTV, often times played in between shite reality shows. It’s snare/bass beat is foot stomping catchy goodness. The song builds in pace, only to reach a slower, haunting oasis in the center, where it once again abruptly picks up the pace. The seamless transitions between sections of the song(s) continue to astound me listen after listen.
I could go on and on and write a snippet about each track, but instead, I intend I hope to entice you to go out and get this album, and I’m afraid a seemingly endless stream of praise will bore the reader. So I’ll close quickly… it’s late and I don’t have too much energy to write anyway. This album is simply a joy to listen. And it gets better and better with each listen as I untangle layer after layer of sound. It can be enjoyed on so many levels, from the casual listen to the meticulous ears of a phony music snob like myself. Get it. Listen to it. If you don’t agree, give me shit, but I’ll be shocked if you don’t enjoy it.
Listen Here
Sunday, March 11, 2007
The Breakup Mix Pt. 2
Syracuse was excluded from the tournament. Maybe it's my fault. I shouldn't have made a breakup mix in preparation of them losing in the tournament before they were actually in the tournament. I hate everyone and life right now. If you need me, I'll be listening to my mix and feeling sorry for myself. You'd think I'd be used to this after all these years. I'm not.
Friday, March 9, 2007
The Breakup Mix
Breakups are the worst! Specifically, having someone break up with you is the worst. Fortunately, very few girls have ever been interested in anything besides a friendship with me, so I’ve only been broken up with once. Win-Win. Right?
I’m no stranger to heart break though. I’ve watched far too many Syracuse basketball games in my life not to know what it’s like to have your heart ripped out of your body, smashed with a rusty hammer, and then defecated on. Syracuse is that girl, sexy as hell, but treats you like shit. Every time you start to give up on her, she sucks you back in, only to inexplicably blow a 14 point lead with less than ten minutes to go in the second half. No matter how bad she treats me, how much suffering she causes me, how hard she punches me in the gut, I’ll never breakup with Syracuse.
It’s March though. And that means we’re about to embark on the greatest annual sporting event on the planet – the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. Syracuse is seemingly a lock for the tournament, but knowing my luck, they’ll either be excluded which would cause me to become enraged or they’ll exit early in some humiliating, agonizing way. Either way, I’m going to need something to comfort me.
Enter “Zidane’s Kick-Ass Breakup Mix.” When you’ve had a bad breakup and/or are a SU fan, there’s nothing like a good mix to flesh out everything you’re feeling: pain, suffering, jealousy, cynicism, bitterness, agony, longing, and more pain. Fortunately, when you’re done, you’re a stronger person (at least that’s what I tell myself after every season). Music helps you get there. Trust me. The four things that got me through my lone breakup were reading Nick Hornby’s “High Fidelity” (it taught me I wasn’t crazy), watching “Swingers,” talking about what I was going through, and music. One of the best things to do is blast some Rage Against the Machine and dance away the pain. And when I say dance, I mean wildly punching the air as you thrash around the room. Seriously, try dancing to three songs in a row, you’ll get a lot of anger out and by the time you’re done, you’ll be tired to be depressed. It’s healthy. In addition to Rage, everyone needs some music to flesh out those open wounds and eventually heal them. I recommend the following mix (in no real particular order):
(Note: Before I get started, I should probably mention that I know nothing about how women deal with breakups. This is based on my suffering as a man and a basketball fanatic. Nearly every song on this list is written by a man. I know there are plenty of great female breakup songs, but somehow Janis Joplin’s “Take Another Piece Of My Heart” or any of the other great female breakup songs, didn’t really seem to speak to what I was going through. I don’t know if these songs will speak to the females who read this. All I know is that they were compelling to me.)
1. (“Wasted Days” – The Slackers) I keep bringing up the Slackers in as many posts as possible. Maybe somebody, other than my buddy Vein who turned me onto them, will realize just how kick-ass they are. This is the breakup anthem. “What have I done wrong that I should be sorry? You broke my heart, you left in no hurry. What I'm sorry for, is all those wasted days and all those wasted ways that I loved you.”
2. (“It Makes No Difference” – The Band) This song captures that post breakup feeling about as well as any I’ve ever heard. You know what I’m talking about. After that realization that it’s really over, but long before you’ve started coming to terms with things. By the way, if you don’t own The Band’s “The Last Waltz” go out and buy it. It’s one of the best live albums ever released. Period.
3. (“Ain’t No Sunshine” – Bill Whithers) It’s beautiful and haunting but I can’t help but feel the song ends a bit prematurely. But hey, so do relationships. And 1987 National Championship games. “We didn’t lose; we jus ran out of time.”
4. (“For No One” – The Beatles) They have a song for every feeling and occasion, so obviously the greatest band in the history of rock was going to be on this list. Excluding songs like, “I Want You,” “I’m Looking Through You,” and “Girl” was not easy, but “For No One” is quite simply a perfect song. If you don’t make a point to listen to a Beatles’ album at least once a month, you should start. I’m currently in the middle of another period of falling in love with them for like the fifth time.
5. (“My Girl” – Nirvana – Unplugged) I think this is my favorite song from one of my favorite classic adolescent albums. Have you listened to “Unplugged” lately? It’s incredible. You can taste the bitterness in Curt Cobain’s voice when he gets to that final chorus. “In the pines. The PINES. SUN. SHINE. I shiver… the whole… night THROUGH!” Still gives me chills every time I listen to it.
6. (“You Are My Sunshine” – Norman Blake) As a child I remember singing this in pre-school. How in the fuck was this ever made into a kid’s song? It’s unequivocally one of the most morose songs I’ve ever heard. Don’t believe me? Check out the LYRICS By the time you’re through with this song (along with the previous 5), you’ll be thoroughly depressed. Sometimes after a breakup, that’s exactly how you want to feel. But if you want a pick up, there’s…
7. (“Song For Dumped” – Ben Folds Five) This will get the energy going. Nothing like bitterness to divert from the feeling of anguish. And this is the quintessential bitter boyfriend who just got fucked over rant. My Freshman roommate, Brian, told me he drove around with one his recently dumped high school buddies blasting this over and over again all night. I can see how that would therapeutic.
8. (“I used To Love Her” – Guns and Roses) And if bitterness isn’t working, maybe try a little cynicism. “I used to love her, but I had to kill her. I had to put her, six feet under. And I can still hear her complain…” Misogynistic? Probably. But if you’ve just had your heart ripped out, who really cares?
9. (“Can’t Stand Losing You” – The Police) I had a tough time picking my Police song. “Hole In My Life,” “So Lonely,” “My Bed’s Too Big Without You,” and “Message In Bottle” get honorable mentions for the list. My man-crush on Sting was born during my breakup. The emotion he sang with echoed all the things I was feeling. “I Can’t Stand Losing You” is darkly humorous. “I guess you’d call it suicide, but I’m too full to swallow my pride…” Things were bad, but never this bad. Listening to it, always helped me laugh at myself and keep things in perspective.
10. (“Tell Me Why” – Los Lonely Boys) I know they’re a bit smooth, but I’ve seen Los Lonely Boys in person and they’re shockingly good live. I don’t know if this one can hold a candle to “Ain’t No Sunshine” or some of the previous songs, but I don’t care. I like it. It taps into that time when the breakup is imminent, but you’re still in denial.
11. (“Pictures of Me” – Elliot Smith) Either/Or was and remains not only one of the greatest breakup albums of all time, but one of my all-time top five desert island favorite albums. Picking a single song off it was next to impossible for me. The album is sad, haunting, beautiful, and the best reminder I have of being broken up with. Go buy this album. If you get broken up with, it will be one of your closest companions. And in times of happiness, you’ll appreciate how chillingly magnificent it is.
12. (“My Girl” (acoustic, live) – Weezer) You have to get the live-acoustic version of this. I know some people who think it’s sexist. “I want a girl who will laugh for no one else. When I’m away, she puts her make up on the shelf. When I’m away, she never leaves the house…” Listen to this version and I guarantee that you’ll understand. It’s about a guy whose girlfriend is a cheater and it’s killing him. On this you can hear the suffering in his voice. It taps into that awful, awful jealousy you feel in a way that no other song I’ve ever heard does.
13. (“A Man Needs A Maid” – Neil Young) This is another song that people often confuse as being misogynistic. “I was thinking that maybe I’d get a maid. Find a place nearby for her to stay. Just someone to keep my house clean. Fix my meals and go away.” I know that sounds horrible, but you’ve got to understand the back-story. Young wrote it about his wife, Carrie Snodgress, who cared for him after a back injury. It’s unclear whether or not it’s supposed to be a tribute to her (Young called her his “Maid Marion”). It doesn’t really matter though. I’ve always envisioned the Ethan Frome-like scene of Young bedridden, being taking care of by this woman who hates him, trapped in a loveless marriage.
14. (“How Can You Mend A Broken Heart” – Al Green) Obviously Al Green was going to be on this list. He’s another person, who, if you don’t own one of his CD’s, you need to go out and buy one right away. Whether he’s singing about love or pain, Al’s voice and passion seems to be a mainline to your soul.
15. (“Deceptacon” – Le Tigre) Okay, this defiantly isn’t one of the 20 best breakup songs of all time. I don’t know if it’s a break up song, but I’ve been dying to write about it since I started the blog. The Vein made me a mix and this was the first song on it. It’s awesome! Le Tigre is this female punk band that rocks. Every time it comes on Christine dances like a madwoman. People in the cars around us stare, but she doesn’t care. She can’t help it out, she’s got to wow out and I can’t blame her. It makes the list because there’s a strong touch of bitterness in the lyrics and so much energy, you’ll dance that depression away.
16. (“One Cup of Coffee” – Bob Marley) This is old-school Bob Marley. One of my favorite Bob songs. “One cup of coffee, then I’ll go; though I just dropped by to let you know, that I’m leaving you tomorrow. I’ll cause you no more sorrow. One cup of coffee, then I’ll go.” Part of breaking up is expressing some regret. Even if you’re the victim, you should still be able to look back on the relationship and know you should’ve done some things different. Believing that Nichols, Roberts, and Watkins might lead SU back to the Final Four is regrettable.
17. (“Mysterons” – Portishead) Thinking about that regret, makes me depressed. If you feel like being depressed, there’s always Portishead. The saddest music I know. It’s dark and beautiful and the perfect thing to blast when you feel like being despondent.
18. (“Cry Me A River” – Justin Timberlake) I know it’s Justin Timberlake, but a wise man named Moody taught me all about his brilliance while we were in London together. And this song is one of the ultimate “fuck-you, I’m over you now” songs in the history of music. And good for Justin. Look at Britney these days. She’s a fucking mess. JT is the king of pop. He broke up with Cameron Diaz. He’s the fucking man.
19. (“Stepping Stones” – G Love and Special Sauce) And here’s a bit more of that. Upbeat music, realizing you’re better off without her. But eventually you have to come to terms with the breakup. And when you do, there’s the greatest songwriter of them all…
20. (“Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” – Bob Dylan) This song is about turning the corner. If you’re ever really stuck in a rut and feel like you’re never going to get out, listen to this song. “I’m walkin’ down that long , lonesome road, babe. Where I’m bound, I can’t tell. But goodbye’s too good a word, gal. So I’ll just say fare thee well. I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind. You could have done better but I don’t mind. You just kinda wasted my precious time. But don’t think twice, it’s all right.” No matter how deep a funk you’re in, you’ll claw your way out, just a matter of time. And when you do, brace yourself to it all over again. After all, a new season is just around the bend.
So there you have it, “Zidane’s Kick-Ass Breakup Mix.” Any glaring omissions? Post a comment, let me know. I’ve got one… it was just a little too long to fit on the mix, but The Allman Brothers’ “Whipping Post” from their Fillmore Shows album has to be one of the greatest versions of one of the greatest songs in the history of rock. When I listen to the LYRICS, I can’t help but wonder if Gregg Allman was a Syracuse fan too.
I’m no stranger to heart break though. I’ve watched far too many Syracuse basketball games in my life not to know what it’s like to have your heart ripped out of your body, smashed with a rusty hammer, and then defecated on. Syracuse is that girl, sexy as hell, but treats you like shit. Every time you start to give up on her, she sucks you back in, only to inexplicably blow a 14 point lead with less than ten minutes to go in the second half. No matter how bad she treats me, how much suffering she causes me, how hard she punches me in the gut, I’ll never breakup with Syracuse.
It’s March though. And that means we’re about to embark on the greatest annual sporting event on the planet – the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. Syracuse is seemingly a lock for the tournament, but knowing my luck, they’ll either be excluded which would cause me to become enraged or they’ll exit early in some humiliating, agonizing way. Either way, I’m going to need something to comfort me.
Enter “Zidane’s Kick-Ass Breakup Mix.” When you’ve had a bad breakup and/or are a SU fan, there’s nothing like a good mix to flesh out everything you’re feeling: pain, suffering, jealousy, cynicism, bitterness, agony, longing, and more pain. Fortunately, when you’re done, you’re a stronger person (at least that’s what I tell myself after every season). Music helps you get there. Trust me. The four things that got me through my lone breakup were reading Nick Hornby’s “High Fidelity” (it taught me I wasn’t crazy), watching “Swingers,” talking about what I was going through, and music. One of the best things to do is blast some Rage Against the Machine and dance away the pain. And when I say dance, I mean wildly punching the air as you thrash around the room. Seriously, try dancing to three songs in a row, you’ll get a lot of anger out and by the time you’re done, you’ll be tired to be depressed. It’s healthy. In addition to Rage, everyone needs some music to flesh out those open wounds and eventually heal them. I recommend the following mix (in no real particular order):
(Note: Before I get started, I should probably mention that I know nothing about how women deal with breakups. This is based on my suffering as a man and a basketball fanatic. Nearly every song on this list is written by a man. I know there are plenty of great female breakup songs, but somehow Janis Joplin’s “Take Another Piece Of My Heart” or any of the other great female breakup songs, didn’t really seem to speak to what I was going through. I don’t know if these songs will speak to the females who read this. All I know is that they were compelling to me.)
1. (“Wasted Days” – The Slackers) I keep bringing up the Slackers in as many posts as possible. Maybe somebody, other than my buddy Vein who turned me onto them, will realize just how kick-ass they are. This is the breakup anthem. “What have I done wrong that I should be sorry? You broke my heart, you left in no hurry. What I'm sorry for, is all those wasted days and all those wasted ways that I loved you.”
2. (“It Makes No Difference” – The Band) This song captures that post breakup feeling about as well as any I’ve ever heard. You know what I’m talking about. After that realization that it’s really over, but long before you’ve started coming to terms with things. By the way, if you don’t own The Band’s “The Last Waltz” go out and buy it. It’s one of the best live albums ever released. Period.
3. (“Ain’t No Sunshine” – Bill Whithers) It’s beautiful and haunting but I can’t help but feel the song ends a bit prematurely. But hey, so do relationships. And 1987 National Championship games. “We didn’t lose; we jus ran out of time.”
4. (“For No One” – The Beatles) They have a song for every feeling and occasion, so obviously the greatest band in the history of rock was going to be on this list. Excluding songs like, “I Want You,” “I’m Looking Through You,” and “Girl” was not easy, but “For No One” is quite simply a perfect song. If you don’t make a point to listen to a Beatles’ album at least once a month, you should start. I’m currently in the middle of another period of falling in love with them for like the fifth time.
5. (“My Girl” – Nirvana – Unplugged) I think this is my favorite song from one of my favorite classic adolescent albums. Have you listened to “Unplugged” lately? It’s incredible. You can taste the bitterness in Curt Cobain’s voice when he gets to that final chorus. “In the pines. The PINES. SUN. SHINE. I shiver… the whole… night THROUGH!” Still gives me chills every time I listen to it.
6. (“You Are My Sunshine” – Norman Blake) As a child I remember singing this in pre-school. How in the fuck was this ever made into a kid’s song? It’s unequivocally one of the most morose songs I’ve ever heard. Don’t believe me? Check out the LYRICS By the time you’re through with this song (along with the previous 5), you’ll be thoroughly depressed. Sometimes after a breakup, that’s exactly how you want to feel. But if you want a pick up, there’s…
7. (“Song For Dumped” – Ben Folds Five) This will get the energy going. Nothing like bitterness to divert from the feeling of anguish. And this is the quintessential bitter boyfriend who just got fucked over rant. My Freshman roommate, Brian, told me he drove around with one his recently dumped high school buddies blasting this over and over again all night. I can see how that would therapeutic.
8. (“I used To Love Her” – Guns and Roses) And if bitterness isn’t working, maybe try a little cynicism. “I used to love her, but I had to kill her. I had to put her, six feet under. And I can still hear her complain…” Misogynistic? Probably. But if you’ve just had your heart ripped out, who really cares?
9. (“Can’t Stand Losing You” – The Police) I had a tough time picking my Police song. “Hole In My Life,” “So Lonely,” “My Bed’s Too Big Without You,” and “Message In Bottle” get honorable mentions for the list. My man-crush on Sting was born during my breakup. The emotion he sang with echoed all the things I was feeling. “I Can’t Stand Losing You” is darkly humorous. “I guess you’d call it suicide, but I’m too full to swallow my pride…” Things were bad, but never this bad. Listening to it, always helped me laugh at myself and keep things in perspective.
10. (“Tell Me Why” – Los Lonely Boys) I know they’re a bit smooth, but I’ve seen Los Lonely Boys in person and they’re shockingly good live. I don’t know if this one can hold a candle to “Ain’t No Sunshine” or some of the previous songs, but I don’t care. I like it. It taps into that time when the breakup is imminent, but you’re still in denial.
11. (“Pictures of Me” – Elliot Smith) Either/Or was and remains not only one of the greatest breakup albums of all time, but one of my all-time top five desert island favorite albums. Picking a single song off it was next to impossible for me. The album is sad, haunting, beautiful, and the best reminder I have of being broken up with. Go buy this album. If you get broken up with, it will be one of your closest companions. And in times of happiness, you’ll appreciate how chillingly magnificent it is.
12. (“My Girl” (acoustic, live) – Weezer) You have to get the live-acoustic version of this. I know some people who think it’s sexist. “I want a girl who will laugh for no one else. When I’m away, she puts her make up on the shelf. When I’m away, she never leaves the house…” Listen to this version and I guarantee that you’ll understand. It’s about a guy whose girlfriend is a cheater and it’s killing him. On this you can hear the suffering in his voice. It taps into that awful, awful jealousy you feel in a way that no other song I’ve ever heard does.
13. (“A Man Needs A Maid” – Neil Young) This is another song that people often confuse as being misogynistic. “I was thinking that maybe I’d get a maid. Find a place nearby for her to stay. Just someone to keep my house clean. Fix my meals and go away.” I know that sounds horrible, but you’ve got to understand the back-story. Young wrote it about his wife, Carrie Snodgress, who cared for him after a back injury. It’s unclear whether or not it’s supposed to be a tribute to her (Young called her his “Maid Marion”). It doesn’t really matter though. I’ve always envisioned the Ethan Frome-like scene of Young bedridden, being taking care of by this woman who hates him, trapped in a loveless marriage.
14. (“How Can You Mend A Broken Heart” – Al Green) Obviously Al Green was going to be on this list. He’s another person, who, if you don’t own one of his CD’s, you need to go out and buy one right away. Whether he’s singing about love or pain, Al’s voice and passion seems to be a mainline to your soul.
15. (“Deceptacon” – Le Tigre) Okay, this defiantly isn’t one of the 20 best breakup songs of all time. I don’t know if it’s a break up song, but I’ve been dying to write about it since I started the blog. The Vein made me a mix and this was the first song on it. It’s awesome! Le Tigre is this female punk band that rocks. Every time it comes on Christine dances like a madwoman. People in the cars around us stare, but she doesn’t care. She can’t help it out, she’s got to wow out and I can’t blame her. It makes the list because there’s a strong touch of bitterness in the lyrics and so much energy, you’ll dance that depression away.
16. (“One Cup of Coffee” – Bob Marley) This is old-school Bob Marley. One of my favorite Bob songs. “One cup of coffee, then I’ll go; though I just dropped by to let you know, that I’m leaving you tomorrow. I’ll cause you no more sorrow. One cup of coffee, then I’ll go.” Part of breaking up is expressing some regret. Even if you’re the victim, you should still be able to look back on the relationship and know you should’ve done some things different. Believing that Nichols, Roberts, and Watkins might lead SU back to the Final Four is regrettable.
17. (“Mysterons” – Portishead) Thinking about that regret, makes me depressed. If you feel like being depressed, there’s always Portishead. The saddest music I know. It’s dark and beautiful and the perfect thing to blast when you feel like being despondent.
18. (“Cry Me A River” – Justin Timberlake) I know it’s Justin Timberlake, but a wise man named Moody taught me all about his brilliance while we were in London together. And this song is one of the ultimate “fuck-you, I’m over you now” songs in the history of music. And good for Justin. Look at Britney these days. She’s a fucking mess. JT is the king of pop. He broke up with Cameron Diaz. He’s the fucking man.
19. (“Stepping Stones” – G Love and Special Sauce) And here’s a bit more of that. Upbeat music, realizing you’re better off without her. But eventually you have to come to terms with the breakup. And when you do, there’s the greatest songwriter of them all…
20. (“Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” – Bob Dylan) This song is about turning the corner. If you’re ever really stuck in a rut and feel like you’re never going to get out, listen to this song. “I’m walkin’ down that long , lonesome road, babe. Where I’m bound, I can’t tell. But goodbye’s too good a word, gal. So I’ll just say fare thee well. I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind. You could have done better but I don’t mind. You just kinda wasted my precious time. But don’t think twice, it’s all right.” No matter how deep a funk you’re in, you’ll claw your way out, just a matter of time. And when you do, brace yourself to it all over again. After all, a new season is just around the bend.
So there you have it, “Zidane’s Kick-Ass Breakup Mix.” Any glaring omissions? Post a comment, let me know. I’ve got one… it was just a little too long to fit on the mix, but The Allman Brothers’ “Whipping Post” from their Fillmore Shows album has to be one of the greatest versions of one of the greatest songs in the history of rock. When I listen to the LYRICS, I can’t help but wonder if Gregg Allman was a Syracuse fan too.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Project Suubi
Blogs tend to be narcissistic endeavors. Authors standing a soapboxes, noses high in the air, explaining why other people’s opinions are wrong and their own are right. See any of my previous entries for examples of this.
So it’s refreshing to read a blog that’s not so self-indulgent. My friend Lauren (of Okcupid.com fame) is in Uganda for a few months volunteering at various orphanages and schools. Her entries are troubling, inspiring, always compelling, and generally funnier than mine.
I’m having a little trouble getting going this morning, so rather than wasting time here, you might check out Lauren’s blog. On it, she’s selling CD’s of various local LA bands (music connection since this is a music blog) in an effort to raise money for her program (Project Suubi). If you have the means, I highly encourage you to buy one or to donate directly. It’s a rare instance of charity, where you can both donate anonymously but also read about the affects of your donation first hand. The link to her blog is below.
Project Suubi
So it’s refreshing to read a blog that’s not so self-indulgent. My friend Lauren (of Okcupid.com fame) is in Uganda for a few months volunteering at various orphanages and schools. Her entries are troubling, inspiring, always compelling, and generally funnier than mine.
I’m having a little trouble getting going this morning, so rather than wasting time here, you might check out Lauren’s blog. On it, she’s selling CD’s of various local LA bands (music connection since this is a music blog) in an effort to raise money for her program (Project Suubi). If you have the means, I highly encourage you to buy one or to donate directly. It’s a rare instance of charity, where you can both donate anonymously but also read about the affects of your donation first hand. The link to her blog is below.
Project Suubi
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Matisyahu vs. Dr. Dreidle
It’s time to set the record straight. I like Matisyahu. I really do, but I can’t help but harbor some angry feelings towards him. After all, the man stole my persona and turned it into millions of dollars. Halloween 2003, I introduced a Chassidic Jewish rapper to the world: Dr. Dreidle. His rhymes were a little unpolished and he lacked an accompanying band or DJ, but his reggae-infused hip hop was months ahead of Matisyahu. His first single, “I Turned In Your Savior, But I Did Not Nail Him To The Cross (That Was Pontius Pilate),” inspired by the Bob Marley tune, “I Shot The Sheriff,” killed at three Syracuse bars that night. And the ladies, they loved him, although some say it was because of the gigantic gold-plated “Chai” he wore on his chest.
Bling aside, Dr. Dreidle was a legit artist. In the summer of 2004, he teamed up with long time songwriter and bass player, 50 Shekels, and the two headlined the Camp Seneca Lake Campstock show. Their hit single, “In Da Shul,” delighted their fan base -- every Jewish kid between the ages of 8 and 16 in all of Penn Yan, New York. And it wasn't just teeny-boppers getting all hot and bothered by two fine looking Jews; their lyrics were something special:
“Go Dreidle, it’s your bar mitzvah. We gonna party like it’s your bar mitzvah. We gonna drink manishevitz like it’s your bar mitzvah. And you know we don’t give fuck because it’s not your bar mitzvah. We be in da shul, our talit looking cool. Look mamma, I got the bling, if you’re into diamond rings. I’m not into pork, unless you want to pork. So come give me a menorah if you want to learn about the torah….”
Unfortunately, a Rich Recht-like national Jewish camp tour was cut short after allegations of an incident involving several female junior counselors and a sheet with several holes cut in it, arose. That left door open for Matisyahu to corner the market.
And he did just that. A former Jewish Phishhead, influenced by hip hop and reggae (sound familiar) became a Chassidic Jewish rapper and his albums flew off the racks faster than fresh-baked homentoshen. Now, I like Matisyahu. I’ll begrudgingly admit that his rhymes are better than Dr. Dreidles, his message purer, and his reggae infused beats pretty fucking dope. If you haven’t heard him, check him out. His albums are really very good.
I don’t recommend seeing him in concert though. Not only is he unable to capture the energy of a Dr. Dreidle and 50 Shekels live performance, but he basically kind of sucks. Or at least the one live show that I listened to sucked. It was full of Matis’ yelling things like, “put your hands up, put your hands up,” “ohhhhh yeaaaah,” and various other high pitched, voice cracking, irritating vocal improvs that were just plain embarrassing. Imagine a twenty something Jewish Phishhead getting up on stage and trying to get a hip hop audience hyped. It’s not pretty.
As a kid, I dreamed of being a hype man. You know, the guys on stage at hip hop shows who get everyone in the crowd excited. But only certain kinds of people should be hype men. Cool people. Cool people with deep bass voices. Cool people with deep bass voices and street cred. Jewish Phishheads have no business getting anyone excited about anything, ever. I mean, I can’t speak for Matis’, but people in parallel lanes shoot me dirty looks when I try to sing driving on the 405. I, like Matisyahu, but he has no business trying to get people hyped. So buy his CD, enjoy it, but remember, your essentially listening to a Dr. Dreidle knock-off… for better or worse.
Bling aside, Dr. Dreidle was a legit artist. In the summer of 2004, he teamed up with long time songwriter and bass player, 50 Shekels, and the two headlined the Camp Seneca Lake Campstock show. Their hit single, “In Da Shul,” delighted their fan base -- every Jewish kid between the ages of 8 and 16 in all of Penn Yan, New York. And it wasn't just teeny-boppers getting all hot and bothered by two fine looking Jews; their lyrics were something special:
“Go Dreidle, it’s your bar mitzvah. We gonna party like it’s your bar mitzvah. We gonna drink manishevitz like it’s your bar mitzvah. And you know we don’t give fuck because it’s not your bar mitzvah. We be in da shul, our talit looking cool. Look mamma, I got the bling, if you’re into diamond rings. I’m not into pork, unless you want to pork. So come give me a menorah if you want to learn about the torah….”
Unfortunately, a Rich Recht-like national Jewish camp tour was cut short after allegations of an incident involving several female junior counselors and a sheet with several holes cut in it, arose. That left door open for Matisyahu to corner the market.
And he did just that. A former Jewish Phishhead, influenced by hip hop and reggae (sound familiar) became a Chassidic Jewish rapper and his albums flew off the racks faster than fresh-baked homentoshen. Now, I like Matisyahu. I’ll begrudgingly admit that his rhymes are better than Dr. Dreidles, his message purer, and his reggae infused beats pretty fucking dope. If you haven’t heard him, check him out. His albums are really very good.
I don’t recommend seeing him in concert though. Not only is he unable to capture the energy of a Dr. Dreidle and 50 Shekels live performance, but he basically kind of sucks. Or at least the one live show that I listened to sucked. It was full of Matis’ yelling things like, “put your hands up, put your hands up,” “ohhhhh yeaaaah,” and various other high pitched, voice cracking, irritating vocal improvs that were just plain embarrassing. Imagine a twenty something Jewish Phishhead getting up on stage and trying to get a hip hop audience hyped. It’s not pretty.
As a kid, I dreamed of being a hype man. You know, the guys on stage at hip hop shows who get everyone in the crowd excited. But only certain kinds of people should be hype men. Cool people. Cool people with deep bass voices. Cool people with deep bass voices and street cred. Jewish Phishheads have no business getting anyone excited about anything, ever. I mean, I can’t speak for Matis’, but people in parallel lanes shoot me dirty looks when I try to sing driving on the 405. I, like Matisyahu, but he has no business trying to get people hyped. So buy his CD, enjoy it, but remember, your essentially listening to a Dr. Dreidle knock-off… for better or worse.
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