Bad Lyrics

Christine and I saw the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie at the cheap theatre this past weekend. It was unequivocally the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Often times, a bad movie will have some redeeming qualities; perhaps the sheer awfulness of the movie is enjoyable in of itself. This movie had no redeeming qualities of any kind. There were no pros, no laughs, nothing clever, nothing enjoyable, only pain.

The movie attempted to poke some fun at Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight.” I emphasize attempt, because even the most astute viewers who understood a shot was being taken at an awful song, with awful canned drums, and awful monotonous lyrics, probably were so fucking annoyed with the movie, the god damn icing on the cake, came in the form of hearing that awful song. How many fucking times can you repeat the same lyrics over and over and over again? Apparently, if you’re Phil Collins, you can do it over and over again and still have an international hit.

The song got me thinking about the worst lyrics of all-time. The writers, perhaps reading my mind, had a discussion about it yesterday. Prior to their discussion, I planned to use this space for a lengthy debate. Fortunately, one of the writers, Gene, ended the debate almost immediately.

After Mike mentioned the Digital Underground lyrics from “The Humpty Dance,” (“I get stupid, shoot an arrow like cupid, I use a word that don’t mean nothing, like looptid…”) Gene had this brilliant insight (and I’m paraphrasing):

With regards to the Young MC song “Bust A Move,” a certain verse makes absolutely no sense when you think about it. “Your best friend Harry, has a brother Larry, in five days from now he’s gonna marry. He’s hopin’ you can make it there, if you can, cuz in the ceremony you’re the best man.”

If Harry is your best friend, then why is his brother Larry using you as the best man in his wedding? If Larry has a brother Harry, why isn’t he using his brother Harry as his best man? You have to construct a pretty crazy story for why Larry would possibly use you as the best man. Apparently, even though you consider Harry to be your best friend, Larry considers you to be his (?) so much so that he’s going to buck the tradition of using his brother, Harry, as his best man. And while this scenario is possible, I’m going to venture out a limb here and suggest that Young MC is an idiot, but hey, so am I… after all, I went to go see Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres with out being stoned out of my gourd.

If you can think of lyrics worse than Young MC’s I implore you to post them in the comments. Here’s your chance to talk some shit, have your voice heard, strike back at every one who hurt you.